Thrive or Survive? How About Both!
How is it going? What week is it? When did I last shower? I’m sure that sounds familiar, and I hope you are all hanging in there!
As the weeks go by, I am coming to the realization that I may have to move from wanting to thrive in this crazy time to wanting to just survive some days. And I’m trying to be okay with that.
You see, we are all working through these first time experiences. Brené Brown calls them FFTs, which stands for “f*@king first times.” These are those experiences that are new to us. We feel uncomfortable, awkward and it almost always takes longer than we think it should.
I’ll give you some examples of my FFTs:
Applying for federal assistance. I rarely ask ANYONE for assistance, much less a big hulking bureaucracy. It’s messy. I’m not sure I’m doing it right. It’s frustrating. Why am I not hearing back from them? And then I remind myself that it’s their FFT for doing this too, so I try to be nicer about it to them (and to me).
Home schooling. I don’t know how to teach. Yes, I do have a music education degree somewhere back in that murky past of mine, but that has nothing to do with regular preschool stuff. I’m just thankful that it IS just preschool and I am probably not affecting my son’s chance of getting into an Ivy league school on a scholarship. (yes, apparently I’m still optimistic in some ways!)
Global Pandemic. You know, as smart as I think I am, I just don’t know what to do in a global pandemic. This is my first time. How about you?
The thing to do with these experiences is to call them out - just like I did above. REALIZE it’s a first time experience, name it, and then be gentle with yourself. Do you remember learning to ride a bike? Yeah. It didn’t happen right away, did it?
Another tool I am using is to lower the bar. Now, in my family we have been great at this for a long time when it comes to social gatherings. If you come to our house for dinner, you aren’t going to see decorations, a theme, or really much of a plan. We just want to hang out! Take our son’s 4th birthday as another example. We were pondering ideas for a celebration, when a neighbor sent out an invite for a potluck on our son’s actual birthday. My husband and I looked at each other, shrugged, and hijacked the get together by having everyone sing happy birthday. And I think that was one of his most favorite parties yet!
Now, applying this to my everyday life isn’t necessarily easy, but I’m giving it a shot.
So for now, I am working on being okay with having survive days along with thrive days, and keeping that bar as low as I can. Like posting this note before I’ve proofread it a million times…
What are you doing to keep yourself sane? I’d love to hear!
